Sunday, April 22, 2012

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

Boy that is such a complicated question. A person's childhood is kind of personal and only shared with the most trusted people in your life. Well, it is to me. I was raised as an only child by a single parent till I was 13. My mother was young when she had me, just 19 years old. When I think about having had a baby at 19 I shudder. My mom really had a lot on her plate at that age. I was so impatient at 19, I graduated high school and went to college when I was 19. My mom had to give birth to me and went straight to work by the time I was 6 weeks old. I sure had it easy. My mother was overworked and stressed and still wanting to be young and party a little. My mom is not the most patient person in the world...I was an extremely sensitive kid. I am super thankful to my mother for providing food and shelter. I do wish we could have had a better relationship. Our relationship now is certainly better since we have our own separate homes and the occasional phone calls where we confirm that we are both doing ok. I never have felt I could really confide in my mother. I can't say there was any time I felt I couldn't TRUST my mother, I trust her with my life. I just don't think I could tell her what I really think about anything. I guess I'm afraid she might judge me for it. She has never given me a reason to feel that way but I just do. Geez that sure was a complicated question....

Saturday, April 21, 2012

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

1. Bugs.... well anything with an exoskeleton. That does include moths and butterflies. I know they look pretty but every time one flutters by too close to my head I can't help the spastic arm movements and squealing. It started when I was little, about 7 years old or so. We lived near a ditch in the south valley of Albuquerque. Waterbugs they called them. Giant ugly black cockroaches without wings that I can remember parading along the walls and floor when I would get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I remember counting 3 of them in the bathroom scurrying around my feet searching for a shady spot to hide under the glare of the sudden bright light in the tiny room. eeeek... I also remember when I was in my teens staying with my grandma. I had gotten caught up in a book and had stayed up way into the wee hours of the morning. I heard kind of a scratching sound, so I held my breath and froze straining to hear something. I heard more crackling and envisioned a big roach creeping over and around a plastic shopping bag that must have been it...I also remember sleeping in my grandma's bed and waking up with my grandma whacking a shoe against the bed. I was so mad I just yelled for  her to stop it. She said "es un cucaracha". Yes she was trying to kill a roach next to my sleeping body with her shoe. So...I have a problem with bugs.

2. Flying... Any kind of great height scares me. I'm kind of like a water balloon filled with jello. I just would have a whole lot of time to imagine going splat while falling from a plane.

3. Speaking to people... I've always been weird. Some of the things I say either don't make sense, have nothing to do with the conversation ( I blurt out things sometimes so I won't forget to tell that person when it slips out of my mind) or really don't make sense because I thought the person said something completely different. I hate that look people give when they realize its not worth the time to speak to you. Or someone else will say something and I don't know what the socially acceptable response is supposed to I just look around uncomfortably in the awkward silence....

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

1. List 20 random facts about yourself

1. I love Pixar movies, every single one of them :)

2. I hate rides at the fair but I still like going for everything else at the fair! I scream when I'm on the tilt-a-whirl so I would scream myself to death on a roller coaster. Literally.

3. I have been biting my nails since I was a child, I know its disgusting but it feels soooo good when I do it. I have tried growing them out in the past and it gets to a point where you have to clean under them and I just keep doing it and my nails are already paper thin so it makes them thinner. When I finally break down and bite them I get a weird rush. I even got acrylic nails and tore them off with my teeth after a day....yeah it hurt and yet it felt like taking off a coat on a hot summer day.

4. I get super scared of being in the woods at night. Its mostly a fear of getting lost and freezing to death, but it includes psycho killers, bugs, animals and did I mention getting lost?

5. I do like dogs, but I would never own another one again. Kitties are so much cuter, and they prrrrrr.

6. I used to draw, and I even went to an art school back when I was 20. I have not drawn in a long time and I really don't have the urge to do it like I used to have.

7. I hate the slimy feel of lotion on my hands so I rarely put it on, as a result my hands crack in the winter.

8. I ate cigarette ashes and match heads when I was a small child. My mom smokes so I hate everything about cigarettes now. But  I still remember the sulfur-ish taste of the match heads fondly. Weird.

9. I forget things all the time. My boyfriend always tells me to remind him of things later and so I will tell him as soon as he finishes speaking because I will NEVER remember to tell him later and he already knows that.

10. I have never had braces and I still have my wisdom teeth...I also think I have cavities but...

11. I haven't seen a dentist in over 10 years.

12. I love to sing and yet I can never remember the words to songs. Not even songs I've liked for years and years.

13. Related to #7- I hate the feel of products in my hair so the most I will ever put in it is a spritz of soft hold hairspray.

14. I dislike watermelon flavored anything, but I do like watermelons.

15. I am stubborn.

16. I sometimes say I don't know what something is, just because I don't like it (like songs or bands or people). I don't even know why I do that!

17. I secretly like the color pink sometimes even though I say I hate pink. I think its because I hate that fluffy pink cloud everyone dresses their little girls in....and I would totally do it too...

18. I used to like gory movies and now I have to cover my eyes sometimes. How'd that happen? Its usually the other way around.

19. I wish I had dyed my hair blue when I was young enough to pull it off.

20. I am the messiest person you have ever met.

The List 30 things about yourself

So I got this from Emily: Ruminations of a Mouse. A List of 30 blog ideas to talk about yourself, since I am new to the blogging experience I am going for it! I'll try to figure out how to do things on here like links and stuff, and I hope to figure out some things about myself too.

The List:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Let's get started...

So this is my very first blog. I have no experience with writing at all. I am expecting to have at least one typo in every post. I'm not even sure exactly what I'm supposed to blog about, but I just feel the need to let my thoughts out....even if nobody ends up reading it.

I have really noticed a scary thing about myself recently. You know that little voice that pops into your head and says "maybe you shouldn't do that" well, it seems like I haven't been listening to that voice lately. I feel really stupid because that stupid voice is always right. I've been making very stupid mistakes, one while driving with my man and baby in the car. If Joey hadn't grabbed the wheel we would have been in big trouble. *sigh*

I need to change the way I handle things, I need to change a lot of things about myself. I know that everything changes, I kinda ended up hating that quote "the only thing constant is change!" but only because it pops into my head every single time I think about anything that has to do with change....I think I hate that voice in my head so I purposely ignore it. What am I 16? Why do I feel like I have to rebel against my better judgement? You know I think I can figure a lot about myself just by pouring my thoughts out here. Self therapy isn't the best but I hope to at least keep my crazy in a cage if it has to be by my side all the time.

By the way, I see my crazy as a separate entity from myself...a little raving mad beast at my side that hides unnoticed until it decides to rear its ugly little head. My crazy always makes an appearance if I've had too much to drink....eeegh, those were some REALLY bad times. My crazy has almost torn my relationship apart. I honestly don't know why Joey ever stayed with me after the last time my crazy came out. I have since decided that alcohol is NOT worth the trouble it causes me....I never really liked the taste anyway. Sometimes my crazy is a monster with gnashing teeth and other times it is just a black cloud weeping and bringing everyone else around me down. There's the jealous green-eyed monster that Joey loves to prod with his comments about how great Rihanna looks. I KNOW HOW GREAT RIHANNA LOOKS! Ahem...
My crazy has many forms but it is always at my side no matter how much I would just like to leave it at home for once...

Well this blog is going to be like taking my crazy out for a walk, let it stretch its legs...or hooves, or claws, or whatever other shape it decides to take.